First, Judith is... better. A bit shaken, but better. The "detox" seems to be going well enough. I've blocked her access to this site by playing with her internet settings, so no worries there. Notebook is hidden somewhere she'll never find it... I really hope this works. If it doesn't, I... I'll have to figure out what to do.
As for this title, before some of you instantly start jumping down my throat about putting up another notebook entry, calm down. The notebook is still safely tucked away where I left it. I've transcribed quite a bit of it that I haven't posted here, though. As such, I'm going to put a few of those entries up here while I figure things out.
Why keep posting these? I don't know. It just seems like a good idea. It's taking that cursed book and putting it under my will, under my control. I won't let it change me or what I'm doing. I have this handled.
"8/24/10
I miss them all so much. Amelia, Emily, Vincent, Ted, all gone because of me. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault. I did this. I looked into the story, I started writing Watch This City Burn, it was me. It was always me. I've killed everyone I love just by being near them. This monster tore them all away from me. Took away my l
I need to be better than this. I AM better than this. Ted would be laughing at me right now, sitting in my room, crying about him. God I miss him. I he we were always so odd. I never admitted it to him but I could never imagine not having him around. I never told him that sometimes I thought Kiera was
Kiera I wish I could talk to her but I can't kill her to. She's all that's left. Literally the only scrap of my old life. So hard not to go to her while the monster is gone. Apologize for everything and explain what's going on. I think she'd understand.
It's all so futile. Despite all my efforts to keep optimistic on my blog, the despair is creeping in. I'm going to die. All that'll be left is Kiera and Rick and this notebook. I've embraced my death. I gotta keep fighting, but the end is coming. I can feel it. TheArsonist will try and stop it but I think he knows too. Soon I'll be six feet under just like my friends. Just another grave in the cemetery
I should go see them. I think I will. He's not outside anymore. This may be my last chance. I'm going to go see them."
Yeah, sure, you have it ALL under control, you can handle this.
ReplyDeleteOh Alex, don't do this. You've got a way out, give the notebook to Brett, stop playing by their rules. You CAN'T control this. "I can control this" is what they always say RIGHT before shit hits the fan, and they find out it's not that easy. Don't be that guy.
ReplyDeleteI guess he made the mistake of visiting "Rick".
ReplyDeleteAmusing.
ReplyDelete"Why keep posting these? I don't know. It just seems like a good idea. It's taking that cursed book and putting it under my will, under my control."
Seems to me like it is what controls you these days. Not vice versa, Dreamer. Did it never occur to you... that perhaps this notebook WANTS its corruption to spread? You're making out to be such a lovely tool.