Friday, June 10, 2011

Damien's Notebook: Entry 3

I did an experiment today. I opened the book from the back instead of the front, just so I'd get a glimpse at the last page. This is what I found. I think this may be the last thing Damien ever wrote outside of his blog.


He's everywhere. I swear to god he's fucking everywhere. Only writing to stay SANE only writing to stay hole.

Oh god he's everywhere. In my house outside in my fucking head he's everywhere and I cant begin to stop him the bone does nothing Arsonst was wrong its nothing just a fuckin bone and he just watches why the fuck are you just watching


Let me go see Amelia and Em and Ted. I don't care anymore about this. I just want to die. I just want to see them again. Why won't you take me to them? Why am I left here with all my mistakes? Kill me too. Please kill me too.

I just want to see them again."


  1. Do not break. Do not allow this to happen to you.

  2. Dude. This is your end right there. Have fun.

  3. Alex. Do you ever think of Mary? Damien sure thinks a lot about Ted. It's like you're trying to beat his record of bodies stacked of this.

    I expect more. Aren't you supposed to be a genius writer? Or was ALL of it plagiarized?

  4. Are you fucking serious? Are you two absolutely serious?

    I don't care if you guys or real or stories or lunatics rolling about in your own filth, but that's just too much.

    In case you haven't fucking noticed, I've been kind of busy trying to not die to properly mourn Mary and if I do that I'm not going to do it publicly so some tragedy perverts can jerk themselves off to it.

    Mary was a very good friend of mine. I shared an apartment with her for nearly a year before she died. Brett slit her open and left her hanging naked in a park. She never deserved that. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her, no matter how much of a bitch she was capable of being at times. She was a friend. She was my best friend.

    Just because I don't write about her here doesn't mean I'm not grieving.

    Not only do you fucking call me heartless, but you both seem to be taking an awful lot of pleasure in the idea of me fucking dying along with everyone around me. "Oh have fun." "Oh, gonna beat his record."

    Fuck you both. I made a mistake claiming to write Dreams in Darkness. It cost me one of my best friends. The situation was taken care of and now Brett is rotting in his cell. Yet still you're here, yelling and shouting about how I'm dooming everyone.

    That isn't going to happen. I won't fucking let anyone take Judith or my family away from me. I have a handle on this, no matter what you people say.

  5. Funny thing is, Alex, that you're reading a book with infinite pages that are all exactly alike, until you randomly flip it open and find one that's different. You can't get back to any page you've read before when you want to. No order, no semblance of normalcy, doesn't it worry you in the slightest?

    Alex, I've been facing off with all manner of hell for nine years now consciously, and unconsciously since I was a little kid. Let me give you a hint: The book will kill you. It will kill Judith. You're almost out of chances to walk away from this. And when it kills you, you'll only have yourself to blame.

    "Balls of Steel", Al my friend. "Balls-Balls-Balls of Steel."

  6. Yes, it does worry me that I have an infinite notebook in my possession. Am I going to let that stop me? No. Why? Because I'm not a coward. If something happens, I'll deal with it. This book will not kill me, and it sure as hell won't kill Judith. I just use it for what I need it for and then it gets locked away.

    As for you and your stories about your lives, do you really expect me to believe that? I have an unending notebook that talks about how Slender Man is real. You have stories about multiple lives, astral wars, totems, Jersey Devils... You're insane. I'm not exactly going to listen to you.

    I've already dealt with one madman.

  7. Insane? Yes. Helpful? Ask everyone I've ever helped. For better or for worse, I've seen the dangers and I care to try and do something anyway.

    Keep that in mind.

  8. You already dealt with one madman? I seem to recall you getting bitch slapped every time he showed up. Other people dealt with him, not you.

  9. Guys, in all honesty, I think you're being a little hard on him. After all, he's trying. Being rather dumb about it, but trying. That's all anybody can ask of anybody.

    That said... You're still not safe, Alex. You may think you are, but you're not. Not until you sever all possible connections between yourself and Damien, and that includes getting rid of that book.

    Have you ever read the short story "The Book of Sand"? That was about and endless book too, and it eventually drove every possessor of the book mad. They kept studying it and studying it, wanting to absorb every scrap of information, but it was never enough, and it consumed their lives. At the end, one guy finally broke the cycle and hid the book among the shelves of a library and moved out of state.

    Think of that story as a metaphor for what's about to happen to you, Alex. What's already happening. Information is dangerous, particularly if it sucks you in. No one ever has the lifeline they think they do. No one is immune.

    For fuck's sake, at least give the book to the police or scientists or something! If it really is endless, that thing's a marvel of physics! It doesn't belong in the hands of an uppity twenty-something.

  10. The difference between my notebook and The Book of Sand is my book is real.

    I have my concerns about the notebook but, thus far, I haven't stumbled upon anything that seems dangerous. If I do, I'll stop. Simple as that.

    And, no, I'm not giving this book away. It was given to me, and I'm keeping it until I've finished with it.

  11. He won't give it away until he's finished the endless book. Well, that sounds likely to happen.

  12. Why didn't you try opening it from the back before?